This is Thomas Percy Kim’s bi-weekly newsletter, your stories for independent filmmaking, permissionless storytelling, and building a sustainable creative career.

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👋 Hey, it’s Thomas.

It's 2 a.m. on Sunday — a blizzard billowing right outside my Brooklyn apartment. Every time it gets cold, the building pipes freeze over and my radiators stop working. There’s no way this is legal.

I’m sitting at my desk in a hoodie, with two blankets, and three tabs open: an edit that keeps crashing, an unfinished script, and a mountain of to-do’s that have barely budged this week.

I haven’t left the apartment in maybe 5 days, haven’t worked out as I usually do, and I’m on my third guilty door-dash leftovers since I keep procrastinating groceries. My back is starting to curl, my wrist hurts, my brain feels foggy, and my eyes feel like sandpaper.

Every day starts in bed, walk two steps to the bathroom, and two steps to my desk. 16 hours. It feels like nothing is progressing. Repeat.

These are the moments that test your will.

Every week, someone messages me with a new job opportunity — to edit for a $15M+ subscriber creator, create sponsored ads for a new $120M AI startup, or direct commercials for one of those online gambling companies. these are the types of jobs where a single check of $20,000-$50,000 can bankroll The Vandalist for months...

And I turn them all down.

Sitting here on my crappy desk in the cold with an empty script, edit, fridge, and stomach, I ask myself: am I a delusional visionary or an arrogant idiot?

Why I Turned Down $250K to Sit in a Freezing Apartment

On opportunity cost, elastic belief, and choosing the long dig over the quick sale.

Let me be honest about what I'm saying no to.

If I committed to the commercial directing route for a few years, I know I could pull maybe $200,000 to $500,000 annually. Narrative filmmaking is becoming more valuable than ever because brands want culture, and the people who can tell emotional stories (not just make pretty pictures) are going to be in higher demand every year. That's real money — the kind that lets you sustain a small family without thinking twice.

That path is a good path. I have friends at studios and production companies who are doing well. They have health insurance. They go on vacations. They don't sit in freezing apartments wondering why they suck so much (I think).

I don't look down on that choice. But I know myself well enough to know that even if I climbed that ladder for a decade, I'd end up comfortable without the one thing I actually want: ownership. Full creative control over the stories I tell and how I tell them. The ability to build my own studio system without relying on someone else's funding or decisions.

If someone offered me $350,000 a year tomorrow to direct commercial work full-time for five years, I would sit with it. I’d stay up all night and run the math.

And I'm pretty sure I'd still say no.

Delusion vs Arrogance

I wrote a piece a while back called "If It's Not Delusional, It's Probably Not Worth Doing." I still believe that. But the picture has gotten a little messier since then—

I think delusion is believing before the proof shows up. Every filmmaker has this. You commit to a vision that doesn't exist yet and you act as if it's inevitable, even when nothing confirms it. Without that kind of confidence, most ideas never leave your notebook.

Arrogance (aka, stupidity) is ignoring the feedback. Refusing to adapt when the market, your audience, or your own results tell you something isn't working. Delusion says I believe this will work. Stupidity says I don't care what the data says.

The thing I'm learning is that strong conviction has to live next to a soft ego. You need enough belief to keep going when nothing is working, and enough humility to change your approach when the evidence says you should. Call it elastic belief — you stretch, but you don't snap. You hold the vision, but you adjust the method along the way.

At least, that’s the tightrope we’re on… but it’s easy to tip to one side if you’re not careful and self-aware.

It's Always a "Balance”

Although I choose to play the “long game”, that doesn't mean the “short game” doesn't stop needing to be played. You still need to eat. You still need to pay rent. You still need to show up for the people you love.

The Vandalist has great ambition and plans, but we're stuck in the classic startup trap: we need resources to scale, but we need to scale to generate the resources. I could take a gig and solve the cash problem for a few months. But that means slower growth on the thing I actually care about.

I believe there's a yin and yang to everything. If someone succeeded wildly in one area, something else paid the price. That's just the math of finite time and energy. the important thing to take away is that we all have to make sacrifices and the real danger is in not choosing what you're willing to sacrifice and suffer for.

What Do You Sacrifice for?

Some people thrive inside “defined systems” — clear hierarchies, measurable progress, knowing exactly where they stand. Some of the smartest people I know chose that path because they understood the odds better than I do.

I prefer building the system from scratch. Even when nothing's working, no one can help me, and I'm learning how to run Meta ads because I can't afford a marketing agency. Then learning the legal stuff the next morning, then writing newsletter copy in the afternoon, then editing a video at night. When you're this early, you are every department. That's the blunt reality of “permissionless creating” that nobody talks about. You’re the director, but also the co-producer, the editor, VFX, colorist, sound designer, marketer, etc.

But the real dream — the one I think about when the morning sun rises and I'm left with more clarity — I want to make my own movies. And concurrently, I want to pass that knowledge down. I want to build The Vandalist Academy, our own version of film school. Something like a Bauhaus for filmmakers, or a Y Combinator for storytellers. A place where we incubate the next generation, give them the resources and financing to make their first real films, and build a catalog and community that compounds over decades.

That's not a 5-year plan. That's a life's work — one that may hopefully outlast me. And you can't build that kind of work while renting out your ambition to someone else's company.

The Dig

There's a line I keep coming back to: you can sell shovels to make money quickly, but the real money is in digging for the gold yourself.

I could sell shovels. I have the skills. The offers keep coming.

But I wake up every morning choosing to dig.

The snow is still falling. The heat is still out. Our next movie needs a casting wishlist + a million other things.

But there's nowhere else I'd rather be.

Keep digging.

— Thomas Percy Kim

💾 Community Plugs

Resources for filmmakers, content creators, and industry professionals.

• 📍 In Toronto or Miami? We're screening my movie, Isle Child, at two big festivals there later this year. Let me know if you're around — would love to see you there!

• 🎬 Crowdfunding a short film? The Short Film Crowdfunding Playbook is live — a step-by-step guide to raising funds outside your personal circles. Grab a copy here.

• ✍️ Looking for cast or crew? If you're a filmmaker searching for someone to help you fill a role, reply with a short description of your project, location, and job description — I'll try to connect you with someone in the community!

• 💡 Community spotlight: If you've recently wrapped a short, locked a feature cut, or hit a milestone you're proud of — reply and tell me about it. I'd love to start highlighting community wins in future newsletters.

📹 Behind the Scenes

Shameless plug — I’ve committed to posting every Mon, Wed, and Fri on my personal Instagram page, @thomas.pk… if you like what you read here, go check out my IG for healthier educational tidbits in your doom-scroll feed!

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